Bored
by YourFavoriteCONTRACTOR
Summary: Dragons live for thousands of years, enviable as his treasure may be the dragon Smaug can still get bored. Then a most curious creature stops by flattering and amusing the ancient being. How long will Bilbo stay amusing and by extension... alive. Smaug acting very much like a bored Sherlock, also "human" Smaug in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**I was inspired.**

**Just watched Hobbit: DoS**

**So you have to put up with my late night plot bunnies.**

**Enjoy if such a thing is possible.**

Dragons, as everyone well knows, are large winged reptiles, with ungodly strength, the ability to breathe fire are possessing of razor sharp talons and even sharper teeth, and above all else, an extreme love of gold and precious metals. It is also known that dragons are incredibly magical being, their armor has been used after death to make the most incredible shields lasting ten thousands of years, their blood is hot, and one of the deadlier poisons among men, their hearts have been used in the forging of powerful wants. It would seem as if dragons were incredibly magical in and of themselves, yet it is always heard of men and wizards using their enchantments for themselves and never a dragon using it's own magic.

There could be complicated intricate and completely boring hypothesis as of why, or even complex diagrams listing reasons to which theorize why a dragon is incapable of using magic. However, the answer to why a dragon does not use magic is a simple one. They haven't the need for it.

In actuality a dragon is a most skilled sorcerer. He has had many years to learn of spells and enchantments, illusion and alchemy. A dragon using magic would be a most formidable foe indeed. But most dragons find magic to be dull and frivolous, useless and cumbersome. They would much rather smite their foes with a breath of fire or a slash of their claws, the snap of quick jaws or the swing of a spined tail.

Yet, it is not for nothing that the Dragon Smaug had held the gold beneath the Lonely Mountain in his possession for so long. Indeed many had tried to take it from him, only to be met with their demise for a Dragon will guard it's treasure for as long as it lives. It was not only of men, dwarves, elves, goblins, or even orcs to face their doom upon the mountain in the glorious but it was of other Dragons as well, for the gold beneath Smaug's feet was of legend, and much sought after. Dragons with fire and ice and lightning in their breath would come seeking the treasure each determined to take it from the fire dragon, each one convinced they had a chance, and each meeting the same gruesome fate as those before it.

Smaug the terrible was no fool, and was not so quick as his brethren to disregard the powers of magic. To Smaug, magic was a tool, a weapon he extended as easily as his own wings or claws, it was a force to be reckoned with and with out a doubt, gave Smaug the advantage in battle. While simple fire was sufficient against the forces of men or elves, or dwarves, even spear like talon and sword like teeth would fell the orcs and goblins, other dragons required much more effort. While a strong warrior and a fierce fighter, Smaug could be at a disadvantage if he did not posses such an extensive knowledge of magic.

It was by this same magic that Smaug used to plunder every house in Erebor, for not all treasure could be taken by force. To extract some of the riches it required a fine, and gentle touch, something no dragon could be expected to posses. And yet the dragon was able to breach every safe, open every jewelry box and steal every wealth from the deceased's homes, even fine and fragile items such as a golden stringed harp and fragile jewelry. Such was his greed that all of his vast wealth must be laid before him so that he could keep it under his watchful eye, so that not a single one of his precious golden coins was allowed to stray.

It was among the vastness of his wealth that the hobbit Bilbo Baggins of the Shire had come to find Smaug. The great dragon was awesome in size and to behold such a terrible beast set him in a fright, but the hobbit kept his wits about him when confronted with this great and powerful creature. He stayed hidden as the dragon rose, seeking him out with long powerful strides, and grace for a creature of such enormity. Now there is much to be told about the vanity of dragons, and much less time than there ought to be to tell it in, but it is to this vanity that the little Bilbo appealed praising Smaug and his brilliance.

It was not very often Smaug got such glowing silver tongued praise, yet he was no fool, the hobbit had come to steal from him. And yet he reveled in the words of the barrel-rider as they came out in stuttered sentences. He knew the small creature was only seeking to prolong his own life, but all the same, Smaug deeply enjoyed the attention. Too long had Smaug been in the dark, while guarding his riches took priority, it was not very often that the world outside could appreciate his full glory, and when they did, the only did boring things, like plead for their lives or scream in terror.

And here was a little creature, so interesting it made Smaug's eyes spark with life as he stared down at the small thing at his feet, smelled the new scent of what he would later identify as hobbit, and observe the strange way it acted. Whether it was purely because of boredom, flattery, or a sparked interest that Smaug let the hobbit live one could not say. Curious by the strange thing that had wandered into his lair Smaug allowed the hobbit to leave. Inviting poor Bilbo back, with a pointed grin, "anytime [he] felt like dying." The poor flummoxed hobbit retreated, wondering what had caused the dragon to change it's mind, hoping, beyond hope that he would not have to return once more to the dragon's sight.

It was a hope that was in vain as the hobbit lingered in the door to the treasure room unsure of himself not wanting to disturb the fearsome beast below.

"Come out little barrel-rider." Smaug spoke from amidst the piles of jewels, "Are you so anxious to meet your death that you have returned to my presence a mere day after your so hasty retreat, or perhaps it is your dwarvish friends that have sent you to your doom so early in your life." He chuckled.

"It would be a discourtesy to your vast intelligence to claim otherwise oh Smaug the magnificent." Bilbo managed to say with out tripping over his words too badly.

"Do not assume pretty words will let you live another day." Smaug threatened as he came level with the hobbit. One vast eye staring at the small thing lingering in his halls.

"I wouldn't dare to do such a thing." Bilbo said after swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Oh but you've already tried luckwearer." Smaug hissed his eye narrowing as he looked upon the hobbit.

"Well surely someone of your glory deserves some praise, even if it is only in the dying moments of the person who offers it." Bilbo responded smoothly. Smaug grinned, an action which Bilbo could not see as he was too busy taking in the giant eye which was focused upon the hobbit.

"Praise offered as a last line of defense before death does not bring me joy nor ring with any truth." Smaug growled turning away from the hobbit, "As consolation, I promise not to kill you, not today." Smaug said strolling a distance away. Bilbo let out a small sigh, "In return you will give me the truth." He said and Bilbo's breath caught again as Smaug drew himself up to his full height breast alit with flame and fire dancing through the teeth of the dragon, "What do you see?" He asked.

"You… are truly a sight to behold." Bilbo said without the hint of a lie, "I see a fearsome, cunning, and powerful Lord." He flattered. Smaug allowed himself to lay on the ground fiery eyes staring amused upon poor Bilbo Baggins.

"That will suffice." The dragon said wishing he could observe Bilbo closer without having to worry so much about squishing his new toy.

"I mean every word." Bilbo squeaked afraid that the dragon had found fault in his words and decided to kill him after all. The dragon gave out a sound that made Bilbo flinch in fear, but soon he realized the dragon was laughing at him.

"I know." Smaug spoke simply, "and you will know when I know you are lying to me, because you will be dead." And he closed his eyes giving a small cough of fire as Bilbo scuttled out the door.

**So… trying to write in a different style.**

**Kinda weird for me… hope you stay tuned. Smauglock in future chapters, just setting up the story for now.**


	2. Chapter 2

The excitement of the first day having stolen a cup from the vast dragon had entirely worn off as Bilbo crept along the passages once more.

"I should have stayed in my hobbit hole." He muttered, not for the last time, and certainly not the first. He thought once more of his warm fire, and a pot of tea that had just begun to whistle. Adventures were dangerous business, and while the Tookish part of him held full reign as crept along the passage back to Smaug's lair, the Baggins part of him wanted to blaze off in a full retreat.

However, as the story goes, Bilbo once more emerged into the vast piles of gold, having delayed his return for a few days whilst traveling to Lake town with the dwarves for supplies. His excuse to the dwarves had been that if he were not present in the mountain for a couple day the dragon may then be lulled into a sense of security from which he could then recover the Arkenstone.

This hope was soon dashed by the dragon shooting fire across the hall straight at poor little Bilbo Baggins who ducked rolling off the stairs and through countless treasures and the air heated around him. Stunned Bilbo looked upon the wall upon where a face had been scorched. You may not know this, as it has been many ages since Dragons have walked the face of the earth, but they can become extremely bored. Long hours guarding treasures to become tiresome after a few hundred years.

Bilbo however, amazed at his luck of survival did not know this, and you and I do, and therefore became unreasonably angry at the fire breathing monster before him.

"WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Bilbo yelled at the flaming beast whose eyes rolled toward the hobbit sparkling with amusement.

"Bored."

The poor little hobbit could scarcely believe his ears. He's almost been roasted alive because the dragon was _bored_? That was hardly a reasonable excuse and Bilbo became quite red in the face an act which intrigued the dragon Smaug.

"Is it common for your kind to change colors?" He smirked drawing close staring at the hobbit resting his enormous head upon his talons so very close to Bilbo's body. Any anger that the hobbit may have felt was drained away in such close proximity to the dragon along with any color that may have entered his face.

"No… no… not at all." Bilbo stammered.

"Was your journey to Lake Town eventful? Other than getting a pitcher of ale dumped on your head?" Smaug asked lazily as if this were common knowledge.

"How…"

"Oh please, you absolutely reek of men and liquor. Not an over startling observation." Smaug said bored. Bilbo nodded.

"Very keen nose you have." He complimented, "what a fantastic observation."

The dragon however, had grown quite bored of such compliments as they were offered quite frequently by now. Bilbo sense the air took a step back.

"Surely, someone of your intelligence knows more than just how to recognize the scent of men and ale."

Now this question intrigued the Dragon. As I've mentioned before Smaug was a master sorcerer. He knew conjuring and tricks almost as well as he could recite spell work and long dead incantations of devastating magic.

"Of course. It would be a fool move to assume otherwise." Smaug scoffed feeling insulted, and, though I will not be a fool to suggest that he felt like he had to prove himself, there was certainly a curious emotion about him, which the Dragon could not place.

"Of course, oh Smaug the most Knowledgeable, I don't know much about the world outside compared to you." He praised, eyes darting to the gold and back to the dragon searching for the Arkenstone.

"Of course you wouldn't, you've lived a sheltered life, where nothing unexpected ever happened," Smaug said his deep baritone teasing and cruel, "what would a simple countryman such as yourself know of war and death and destruction of the world."

"I know enough to know that all of the world is not so!" Bilbo defended, "I have seen many beautiful things, the light of the moon upon a lake as still as a looking glass, reflected back bathing the world in tones of silver and starlight, I have seen the Last Homely House, walked the Halls of elvish creation and seen the beauty of nature, I have beheld the terrible beauty of a lightning storm in the mountains and night and seen the most fearsome Dragon up a pile of such treasures as to be enviable by man, god, and dwarf. The only reason you've seen the world in such dark brush strokes is because of the terror you bring to it yourself!" Bilbo huffed, "Do not assume that I know nothing of the world, I am not the hobbit I once was."

Smaug blinked his great eyes then laughed.

"So you're a hobbit?" He questioned. Bilbo stammered.

"I… I… was that the only part you caught?" He made out. Indeed Smaug had heard of the vast travels of the hobbit, he'd heard glimpses of his new found entertainment's journey before whilst the hobbit had been introducing himself, but now he could put a label on the scent that had baffled him so far.

"I have heard of many beautiful things in the world, but none I have seen with my own eyes." Smaug was curious of the halls of the elves which he had never been to see and had only read about before alongside books of magic and other wonderful bits of information. The Dragon Smaug prided himself on his knowledge, but would have never admitted that he didn't know anything.

"Tell me more." He prompted the young hobbit seeking of his knowledge of the elvish home. And so Bilbo told the dragon of the beautiful halls, and the intricate details, he glowed as he described the grace and beauty of the elves and went on in such length that if I were to transcribe the entire conversation it would go on for several more pages. As it is, Smaug listened carefully whether captivated by the words of the hobbit or unwilling to scare away the bit of entertainment he had found, he stayed perfectly still and Bilbo was almost able to forget about the fact that he was speaking to a thousand foot dragon. I say almost because it is certainty hard to miss a vast scaly face that could take a bite out of your front door and half your sitting room without even trying, but it did comfort Bilbo to know that the Dragon had yet to throw fire or even make a semblance of movement toward the hobbit. Once Bilbo had finished with his tale the dragon continued to sit very still as Bilbo stood.

"Magnificent tales." Smaug spoke at last, but softly as to not give his story teller too much of a fright. "I fully expect to hear about the mountains tomorrow." He continued.

"Ah… yes… of course." Bilbo said. Smaug stood and wandered off leaving Bilbo to stand there wondering what had just happened cautious to retreat too fast for he fully expected another threat upon his life.

Yet Bilbo returned to the outside world, rather shaken, confused, but in perfect health. The dwarves listened to his story eagerly at first, then with confusion and then anger. Thorin was the first to speak.

"You had him right there the entire time and did not think to look for the Arkenstone!" He prosecuted. Poor Bilbo stammered trying to explain himself.

"Thorin, the poor lad was before a dragon, be happy he's returned alive at all after four journey's to the depths." Balin spoke kindly, for he did not believe that Bilbo deserved any wrath after listening to the curious tale. Bilbo nodded his thanks to the elder dwarf as Thorin went off to brood muttering about useless hobbits and dragons in dwarvish.

"You don't have to return if you don't want to." Balin assured Bilbo as he sipped some warm cider they had acquired from Lake Town. Bilbo responded with a head shake, as something quite curious had woken up inside him, the Dragon was full of mischief, and danger, and yet… there was something Bilbo could sense that did not sit quite right with everyone's view of Smaug.

In thinking back on the subject many years from his time with Smaug perhaps it had always been obvious what the Dragon had been after, what his true treasure was, and his eventual plan would be. It was because of the young hobbit that Smaug fell, but not in the way that history has come to view such a thing.

But at the moment as Bilbo huddled next to the fire thinking only of the time when he would have to return to the mountain, and the very curious dragon inside, there was no knowing the out come of such an event. It would not be till many days and many shared stories later that Smaug would fall, leaving the world of death and destruction behind.

Bilbo finished his tale of the time in the mountains and of the Goblins and of the strange creature called Gollum. Smaug listened intently but now that the story was over he grew restless.

"I have told you a story, why don't you tell me one." Bilbo prompted, having despite himself, grown quite placid in the company of the dragon. Smaug shifted upon the gold and gazed upon Bilbo most curiously.

"You wish me to tell a story?" Smaug asked, his voice a low growl echoing through the tunnels and mines of Erebor.

"Surely a Dragon such as yourself has many stories to tell, you've lived through many era's of men and a history so rich have you not?" Bilbo said, genuinely curious. Perhaps it was this that prompted Smaug, or perhaps it was the novelty of a Dragon telling stories to a hobbit, but Smaug began to speak. He spoke of a time when dragons roamed free across the land, when men had just begun to crawl from the primordial soup. He talked long of the wars and bloodshed of the world and of his own conquest of Erebor and of those who tried to take it from him after he had claimed it.

The poor hobbit sat in fear as Smaug's might voice rang throughout the halls roaring with displeasure and the remembrances of dragons and orcs which he had found particularly annoying or had a irksome mischief about them. Bilbo was reminded once more what a powerful force Smaug was and how very tiny he was next to him. When Smaug claimed to have seen bloodshed it did not even register one tenth in the hobbit's mind of how much he had caused.

Shivering and fretful Bilbo sat listening to the stories of Smaug. Smaug taking notice of this ended rather abruptly in the middle of a sentence. Bilbo jumped at the sudden silence and absence of the deep rumbling of the Dragon's voice. Smaug drew quite near Bilbo causing the hobbit to give out a ungracious squeak of terror.

"Do I frighten you small barrel-rider?" Smaug hissed, low and yet with a certain softness. Bilbo stared at the great beast.

"Yes." He said softly as the massive dragon blinked, "It would be foolish not to be intimidated in the presence of such a large and dangerous creature." Smaug nodded.

"We can't have you frightened whist telling stories, that would spoil the quality." Smaug stated. Bilbo just stared up at the Dragon, "Meet me at the throne come midday tomorrow and we shall share stories once more, I shall do my best to put your mind at ease as we speak." Smaug spoke. Bilbo nodded not quite sure how his mind was to be put at rest in the presence of a great fire breathing beast. Smaug picked up a small chest of gold and threw it at the hobbit's feet.

"For the story." Smaug said haughtily and then turned his back and flew off before he decided to change his mind. For it was a very un-dragon-like gesture to part with even a single of his golden coins. Bilbo, for his part scurried off dragging the chest behind him till he emerged from the mountain amid a cluster of curious dwarves.

Overwhelmed by their burglar's sudden success, they did not even question what went on down in the mountain but eyed the gold greedily and clapped Bilbo on the back assuring him that this was just the beginning. They did not even object when Bilbo announced he would be going back the following day, except Balin who gave Bilbo a strange look yet asked no more from the hobbit. Bilbo slept through the night waking to nightmares in which Smaug was murdering him in one of the foul ways in which he had described that day.

**Hope you enjoy this short update. Evolving friendship maybe? Stay tuned.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Before we go too far along in the story, I feel only obligated to warn you that there will be**_** spoilers**_** for those of you who have not read the book. Whether they are incorporated into the movie is yet to be seen. _BUT NOT IN THIS CHAPTER!_  
**

**_I WILL WARN YOU BEFORE THERE ARE_** SPOILERS.

**Enjoy.**

Bilbo Baggins was far from wanting to return to the halls once again. To be in the presence of that great fire breathing beast was enough without having to entertain it. Yet, a rather Tookish part of Bilbo was anxious to learn more about the dragon and as he drifted along the halls rather invisibly he wondered why he had yet to meet Smaug. You see Bilbo had almost forgotten that he was to meet the Dragon in the throne room, you might remember as you are presumably sitting in comfort and not creeping along dwarvish halls in pursuit of a vast fire breathing dragon you probably remember.

At this moment Smaug was pacing the throne room not entirely convinced he'd made the right move in the previous day half regretting letting go of some of his wealth. Since there had not been a precedent for such an event it cannot be said whether Smaug's regret was normal, but as it is not quite normal for a dragon to part with his treasure even in small, we shall assume it is not.

It was in an agitated state that Bilbo finally found Smaug sitting upon the throne of the fallen dwarf king with a regal scowl. Bilbo blinked unsure of what he was seeing.

While the throne of Thoror was a great throne, vast in size and immense in glory, it would not have supported the full weight of a dragon without breaking or crumbling. As it was, there was some mischief about the dragon of which Bilbo had not figured and the throne did not support the weight of a golden-red dragon at all.

Cloaked in stolen robes of the finest quality, dark as night and softer than silk, a deep blue sash, like that of the lake on a cloudless day, draped across his chest, and a single golden chain of riches around his neck Smaug sat, in the form of a man, upon the throne of the fallen King Under the Mountain.

Perhaps it was the beauty and grace of the elves which had inspired this form or perhaps it was fated that the human form of such a terrible beast would be as dark and dangerous yet alluring as it's true form, but Bilbo found himself quite unable to speak.

Tall as the tallest elves, with skin light and fair he was, Smaug however had features much more sinister but not altogether unbeautiful. Dark rich lock of hair curled around the face of this creature curling under at the neck, sharp, quick golden eyes burned from their sockets as high cheekbones angled downward, unforgiving, and regal. Tall and slender with the grace of ages Smaug rose from the throne to stare down at the hobbit.

"You are quite small young hobbit, smaller still that I should have liked to think." Smaug chuckled, "I was rather hoping you were taller, though I knew I could not have calculated your size wrong." Indeed poor Bilbo was scarcely taller than Smaug's knees, he came near mid thigh but was not quite so tall as the humanoid dragon's waist, "Tell me of the Eagles you have mentioned, you hinted at them whence you escaped the goblins and wargs." Smaug said turning away to sit upon the throne once more. It was then that Bilbo found his voice.

"You are truly a creature of talent to be able to take the form of man." Bilbo said in a hushed tone. Whilst a man or perhaps even elf may have not hear the compliment, as Bilbo's voice had stuck in his throat more that he would have liked, a dragon is still a dragon and heard him perfectly.

"Enough flattery," Smaug spoke, Bilbo taking note of his human voice for the first time having been over whelmed by his appearance, "I wish to hear of the Great Eagles." This voice was much softer, less grating, than that of the Dragon's true form. It was rather more elegant to Bilbo's ears and while still deep, it did not shake the poor hobbit right down to his furry toes.

"Right away of course." Bilbo nodded with a half bow, Smaug gestured him toward the floor and Bilbo sat and began his tale anew.

Smaug listened with great interest upon his face as he leaned forward in anticipation. The spell of the expertly woven story was only broken at the sound of a tremendous growl. It is not often that a hobbit goes without a meal, and poor Bilbo had only the breakfast with the dwarves, by now it was high past afternoon tea and the noise, at once thought by Bilbo to be Smaug, issued once more from the stomach of the poor hobbit.

"You are in need of nourishment?" Smaug asked baffled. It had not occurred to him how often his new pet, as he thought of Bilbo, would need feeding. Bilbo, to his credit, responded quickly.

"I would be glad in receipt of it but I'll finish the story should you like." This puzzled Smaug, he took in the hobbit who was standing rubbing his back side, sore from the cold ground and the lack of sleep, dark circles around his eyes. Suddenly alarmed at his lack of observation, having been caught up in the stories of shape-changers and giant spiders, Smaug stood immediately. The Dragon's new legs wobbled slightly as they supported this new shape, to which Smaug had not yet completely gotten used to, and had forgotten miraculously, whilst being entertained.

"Go back to your thieving dwarves and claim your supper." Smaug said with a dismissive wave of his hand, "Take a small goblet filled with jewels and return to me on the morrow, I shall meet you upon the entrance which you've snuck through my thieving wordsmith." And with that he left Bilbo alone, walking off through the halls.

Bilbo returned to the treasure room doing as Smaug requested taking no more than he had been told and once again returning to the dwarves.

As the hobbit emerged from the mountain the dwarves congratulated him once again as their eyes shone in the presence of the treasure. It was here, if not before whence Bilbo had brought the chest of gold forth, that Thorin's sickness began. When his lust of treasure would sully his relationship with the hobbit in future endeavors. But for now he was pleased with his burglar, a wide grin upon his face as they sang the praises of the hobbit that night.

Halfway through the night the merriment was cut short as the powerful wings of the dragon swept across the mountain. Huddled together they were, upon the doorstep of the mountain, as the dragon rose through the air quick as death, gleaming red in the moonlight. Yet, curiously, Smaug passed on, ignoring the dwarves, and beyond to the mountains to where, the dwarves and hobbit could only guess, returning a few hours later with the stench of blood upon it's gleaming coat.

"By the graces of the gods..." Balin began.

"I thought we were goners for sure." Bifur inserted.

"Quiet, all of you, try and get some rest, I'll keep first watch in case it comes back." Thorin ordered.

**Not inspired to type much more tonight.**

**Had a lot I wanted to get through but with it being Christmas I didn't get through most of it. There were specials and dinners and I had to go talk to people without offending them…**

**Merry Christmas.**


	4. Chapter 4

Once more the hobbit ventured into the tunnels, less concerned now, growing comfortable in the presence of a dragon is not wise, and Bilbo knew it, but there was something comforting about the appearance Smaug took. It was not quite so intimidating as the dragon's true form, so the allure of the danger seemed further away as the tall curly haired man stood, once more dressed like a king, near the foot of the steps as Biblo emerged.

Smaug, against his will, smiled a measure as his small wordsmith drew near.

"Little story teller, follow me." He ordered and he swept grandly along the halls in his stolen clothes. Poor Bilbo trotted after the dragon, his small steps unable to keep up with the long strides of the humanoid creature.

When at last they had arrived at their destination Bilbo was quite winded and Smaug opened a grand door with a flourish and a pleased smirk, like that of a child who has completed a difficult task and expected to be praised.

The smell that wafted out as the doors sprung open was mouth watering, and Bilbo found his stomach giving out a growl of appreciation as he walked in.

The lavish hall had been cleaned, while perhaps not as stunning as it had been in the days when the dwarves had thrived and ruled under the mountain, a lingering sense of grandeur could be gleaned from the ruins of the hall.

Perhaps most impressive was the feast that had been laid upon the table. Roasted Mutton and baked fish and even some salad and a small cake had been acquired.

"This… this is all brilliant." Bilbo remarked as he stepped up to the table that had been set, he cast a look the dragon. Perhaps it was a reflection from the candlelight, or perhaps it was nothing at all, but the hobbit thought he saw a curious softness and surprise in the Dragon's eyes.

"I haven't been completely idle during my stay in the mountain. I've been experimenting." He said in a hushed tone, though not a tone that one should ever mistake for embarrassment, lest the wrath of the Dragon befall them. Smaug seated himself in a regal chair, cushioned and decorated with lavish silks befitting of a king (and in fact was for a king, as the chair belonged to Thror). The Dragon gestured to another chair, cushioned magnificently, but not so much as Smaug's own, on the right hand of the table. Bilbo scrambled into it delighted at the wonderful meal before him.

Smaug asked no questions as the hobbit devoured the feast, but was indeed impressed with the way Bilbo ate quickly, as ravenous as Smaug himself. An amused smiled then graced the face of the Dragon, not that Bilbo ever saw and Smaug thought to himself, "Now here's a thief I could tolerate, never mind it being un-dragon like, I should like to keep him." Bilbo for his part was thinking "Perhaps the Dragon isn't all as horrible as he's made to seem. I should like to know more about him."

Both Hobbit and Dragon ate and soon Bilbo's eyes began to droop with the sleepiness that is so often accompanying a warm meal and a full belly.

Sleep thick in the air Smaug blew smoke rings, some of which changed colors, and others which formed lazy pictures. It was not even amiss to the hobbit that Smaug did so with out the use of a pipe.

At once Bilbo began to pat his pockets, his pipe was still in his breast pocket much to his surprise, and even his pouch of tobacco that he'd refilled at Lake Town. He pulled it out and at once began to stuff it with the full intention of smoking lazily and letting his mind drift off to far away places such as Rivendell, and his hobbit hole, which his heart longed for more than all the gold beneath the Mountain. Yet as he patted his pockets he could not find a single match. With a sigh he looked up toward Smaug lazily blowing smoke rings at the ceiling then back to his pipe.

Not a word was uttered, a sort of understanding passing between the two in their lazy food fueled haze, and Smaug took the pipe from Bilbo lightly sucking upon the stem, fingers ablaze with fire as he started the pipe passing it back to the hobbit and blowing out a grand cloud with satisfaction.

Bilbo puffed his pipe contentedly his sleepy mind contemplating how it was he could feel so comfortable in the presence of a Dragon.

"Tell me more of the Elven Halls of the Woodland Realm." Smaug required. Bilbo puffed on his pipe once more thinking.

"They are rather grand, but not so well carved into the mountain as the halls in Erebor. The Elves are not a tunneling folk, but they are kind in their own way, perhaps a bit misled, not at all like their wiser kin." Bilbo said stem resting between his teeth as he talked around it. "The king has hosted many a party in those halls, and is no stranger to wine if you know what I mean." Smaug chuckled slightly.

"I have heard tell of humans being drunk, but never of an Elven king." Smaug's lazy golden eyes drifted over to the hobbit, who chuckled with him.

"I would go so far as saying drunk was putting it mildly." He elaborated grinning, "I'd prefer Rivendell, far more peaceful, beautiful open halls in a lush and flowering valley. Oh, I could stay there for an age." Bilbo reminisced, "But I do miss my home, quiet, in the country, as you deduced before, I have a large home under this kill, Bag End is where it's located. I have beautiful curved halls in the hill. My father built this home, wonderful really. Right about now, I'd be putting tea on for the after noon, or perhaps I'd be gardening, it's easy to lose track of time under ground. I do hope the weeds haven't grown over my garden to much." Bilbo frowned in contemplation, "I should wonder if the Sackville Baggins' have raided my beautiful home yet, and I wonder what they'd think of me, Bilbo Baggins, off on an adventure."

"Bilbo Baggins, the hobbit from under hill, off on a grand adventure." Smaug chuckled. Bilbo nearly smacked himself, he'd grown accustomed to the Dragon's presence, and in such a form, though regal and intimidating as it was, he had nearly forgotten the giant majestic reptile beneath, and had subsequently, given his name to the Dragon.

"Don't bother yourself young Ringwinner, I wish you no harm." Smaug said sensing the mood. This however, did nothing to soothe the worries of the hobbit, just as if a known killer coming into your home and telling you he wouldn't hurt you, is likely not to put your mind at ease as he helps himself to your biscuits.

"Home is so very far away, much further than Rivendell even." Bilbo recovered sucking on his pipe more furiously now due to nerves.

"I should like to visit Rivendell one day and see for myself if it is truly as remarkable as you make it seem." Smaug said. To this Bilbo gave a short laugh which caused Smaug to sit up straighter in his chair and stare at the hobbit.

"I don't think you'd be too welcome, popping in on the elves, a vast dragon of immeasurable size. What would you say, don't mind me, I just wanted to confirm the words of a hobbit?" Bilbo joked good-naturedly.

"I can pass unnoticed you know." Smaug said, "Like you who walks unseen, I have talents that could allow me to slip into Rivendell."

"Well I suppose that could do, though the elves may not be taken for such fools." Bilbo said between puffs of smoke.

"Yes, I cannot bear to think I could leave my gold unprotected for so long." Smaug replied, "Those nasty dwarves might get their hands on it, their filthy thieving hands. They would like nothing better would they?" He sneered, "Miserable country dwarves here to claim that which is mine."

"I wouldn't say that." Bilbo commented from his sleep state, "I mean, you did, after all, raid their home, eat their people, and steal their gold." Smaug stood.

"It is common law for the powerful to take what they want, to claim it as their own, in my eyes they were just pests to be exterminated! They should have run faster if they wanted their lives! If they didn't stop to shovel _MY_ gold into their pockets I may have spared them yet! What do I care if a few miserable dwarves want their petty revenge and my gold? They shall die like any other thief!" Smaug roared his voice shaking the mountain snapping Bilbo out of his sleepy daze as he gazed upward, horror struck. Smaug's eyes smoldered, flames hissed out between his teeth as he spoke, dancing as if in a crown around his head, scales resurfacing in the Dragon's anger upon his temples and cheekbones and along the jaw line, even in this human form a Dragon is still a Dragon and what a Dragon is, is terrifying.

Smaug calmed down a fraction throwing himself into his chair like a petulant child and small annoyed cough of fire escaping from his lips.

"You may leave." Smaug said through barely controlled anger.

"Smaug?" Bilbo whispered concerned but mostly terrified.

"I SAID _**LEAVE**_!" Smaug roared at the hobbit, the pupils of the Dragon's eyes become snake like slits, Bilbo could see the dragon beneath the human face and he bolted from the table and out the door. As he ran, slipping on his magic ring, he could hear the roar of a dragon and the sound of a table being overturned, but still he kept running, and still, no sound of wings, or thundering steps revealed a dragon in pursuit. Yet Bilbo did not slow his pace till he'd reached the safety of the dwarves, pipe still clutched in hand, shivering, shaking, and pale all over, collapsing, the world going dark, amidst a crowd of worried faces.

Night had fallen once more when the hobbit woke up cold and shivering. Balin smiled down at him.

"Welcome back Master Baggins." He said readjusting the blankets that had been placed on the hobbit.

"I… I couldn't get anything this time." Bilbo shivered.

"And yet you still had time to smoke a tobacco pipe?" Thorin accused not far off. Bilbo did not have anything to say to this but sat up in his blankets unsure of what to do.

"Thorin, you heard the Dragon as well as I, Smaug was in even a fouler mood than before, do not blame Bilbo, we are lucky he has returned at all." Balin defended.

"But… you do have to wonder…" Dwalin grunted from the side, "When he had time to smoke the pipe, what was he doing down there all this time if not attempted burglary?" To this Balin had no answer, but the matter was dropped when another roar, great trembling issued from the mountain. Bilbo was quite startled, but the dwarves, though frightened were not surprised.

"Been doin' that since you came up lad." Balin informed, "Whatever happened down there 'e's none too pleased."

"You think I had something to do with that?" Bilbo stammered feeling as if he'd been accused of doing wrong.

"Was it not you?" Gloin questioned from near Thorin's side.

"Well yes… but…" Bilbo tried to figure out what exactly had gone wrong.

"Just get some rest Master Baggins, we'll try again when things have settled down." Thorin grunted not altogether pleased with his burglar's performance. Bilbo nodded sinking thankfully back into his sea of blankets. He wished to sleep soundly with no bad dreams, sadly he only dreamed of the dragon, and his terrible fire, and woke up sweating several times during the night, before drifting off into a deep dreamless sleep a few hours before dawn.


End file.
